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25 Questions You're Afraid To Ask About Love, Sex, and Intimacy by Dr. Juli Slattery {Review & Giveaway}

25 Questions You're Afraid to Ask About Love, Sex, and Intimacy

Dr. Juli Slattery

Christian Living / Relationships / Sexuality

Is _____ OKAY in the BEDROOM?

If I'm SINGLE, how FAR is TOO FAR?

How do I get PAST my SHAME?

Whether you are married or single, having great sex

or no sex, your sexuality is inseparable from your spirituality.

Sadly, most churches are silent on the subject.

Dr. Juli Slattery is breaking the silence.

In 25 Questions You're Afraid to Ask about Love, Sex, and Intimacy, she tackles the most common and critical questions women ask her about sexuality. Candid, wise, and practically minded, Dr. Slattery addresses sexual abuse, pornography, betrayal in marriage, intimacy in the bedroom, singleness, and more, calling women to think biblically about all areas of their sexuality.

READ AN EXCERPT

My Thoughts

That title caught my attention, and if you're reading this it obviously caught your attention too. Sexuality is all around us but unfortunately it is mostly exploited. So what is right and good and healthy for you as a Christian woman whether you are married or single.

Dr. Juli Slattery dives head first into all of those questions that we have but are too afraid to ask. It is a small book but the questions are deep and the answers even deeper. I appreciated the candor with which Juli answered the questions about subjects like masturbation, temptations, and adventurous activities. I cannot honestly think where else I would be able to get such Godly counsel on these topics. There are many voices out there saying do it, do it, do it, but Juli presents the subject from a biblical perspective that brings freedom rather than shame. By the end of the book I can almost guarantee that you will see sex as the beautiful gift that God intended it to be.

I'm an introvert by nature and I have to be honest and say that there is no way that I would ever purchase this book in a bookstore or check it out at the library. Instead I'd read it in an obscure aisle with something hiding the cover! Thanks to online shopping or e-reader downloads I can obtain and read this book without worry.

I can't recommend this book highly enough for every woman. It will leave you with a sense of peace as well as longing for this beautiful gift of God.

Now . . . how about a GIVEAWAY for a chance to get your hands on this lovely book for yourself? We loved 25 Questions You're Afraid to Ask About Love, Sex, and Intimacy so much that we wanted to make a way for one of our readers to get their own copies. To do that we have partnered with Authentic Intimacy to give one of our readers a copy of the book!

The giveaway is open to U.S. residents and will run through midnight on Monday, November 30, 2015. You must be at least 18 years old to enter. The winner will be contacted by email and will have forty-eight hours to claim the prize. If unclaimed, a new winner will be drawn. The winners’ entries will be verified. Please enter the contest using the Giveaway Tools form below. All entries are optional.

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Holy Sexuality with Dr. Juli Slattery ~ Watch or Listen Live!

Is it possible to be SPIRITUAL and SEXUAL? Can a woman be both and still be right in the eyes of God?

On Thursday, February 6, 2014 at 2:15 pm (CST) Dr. Juli Slattery will address the topic of Holy Sexuality during Moody Bible Institute's Founder's Week.

The amazing part is that you can watch or listen to it FREE!

Listening Options:

Moody Radio will be broadcasting it live on their network of owned and operated stations. You can locate or listen to any of their stations online here. If you prefer to listen on the go, you can download the Moody Radio mobile app here.

Watching Options:

The session will be broadcast live and you can view it online HERE! If you happen to miss the broadcast you can also go here to watch it after it has been archived.

Connect with Dr. Juli Slattery:

Facebook

Twitter ~ @DrJuliSlattery

Connect with Authentic Intimacy:

Facebook

Twitter ~ @AuthenticIntmcy

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Ch. 6: Pursuing Pure Pleasure ~ Passion Pursuit: What Kind Of Love Are You Making?

Pursuing Passion: What Kind of Love Are You Making?

Linda Dillow & Dr. Juli Slattery

10 Week Bible Study w/ DVD & Workbook

Chapter 6: Pursuing Pure Pleasure

Theme: Pure Pleasure is found when a Christian couple discovers what is okay in the bedroom for them personally.

The most pressing question Christian women ask about sex is, “What’s okay for me and my husband to do in the bedroom?” In this chapter, we’ll answer the questions women have always wanted to ask but never knew where to go for honest answers. We’ll give practical, biblically-based answers to questions about oral sex, anal sex, sex toys, and the use of pornographic materials in marriage.

Chapter six explores the question of what is okay in the bedroom and what does God say is okay. Juli and Linda start by encouraging you to use the principles that God has given us. They list ten very specific areas that God definitely says no to.

After setting those parameters they then have you as a couple ask yourselves three questions when determining if something is right for you. Here are the questions:

Does God say no?
Is it good for us?
Is it only us?

I found this to be the most detailed (without being inappropriate) chapter so far. They were very straight forward with the discussion of the topics of anal sex, oral sex, sex toys and pornography. I appreciated the candor they used to address such sensitive material. My husband and I watched this segment together and had a great discussion after the video.

The last segment of the video addressed the idea of comfort versus conscience. Juli and Linda talked about how as women we tend to be a little less willing to take risks than our spouses. They encouraged us as women to not to always say no to our husbands when he suggests something out of our comfort zone. We need to consider the three questions we discussed earlier and then determine if what is being suggested really does go against our conscience or are we just uncomfortable and need to loosen up a bit.

If this is a topic that interests you and you'd like to read our other articles check out Pursuing Passion: What Kind of Love Are You Making and Chapter 1: I've Got Power and Chapter 2: Me, Pursue Passion? and Chapter 3: God's Got An Opinion! and Chapter 4: Making Truth Stick. and Chapter 5: What Kind Of Love Are You Making?

The delightful people over at Authentic Intimacy and Igniting Women Books have partnered with us to provide two of our readers with Leader's Kits for Passion Pursuit. Each kit contains a DVD and workbook so you can choose to lead a group or study it by yourself. Either way just complete the form below for your chance to win.

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Ch. 5: What Kind Of Love Are You Making? ~ Passion Pursuit: What Kind Of Love Are You Making?

Pursuing Passion: What Kind of Love Are You Making?

Linda Dillow & Dr. Juli Slattery

10 Week Bible Study w/ DVD & Workbook

Chapter 5: What Kind Of Love Are You Making?

Theme: Sexual differences present you with a secret choice. Will I be a servant lover or a selfish lover?

Many women don’t like the way God made men. In this chapter, women will discover that God knew exactly what He was doing in making men and women so different. Each difference takes you into God’s laboratory of love and prompts you to ask the question, “Will I be a selfish lover or servant lover?”

Chapter 5 asks us what kind of love are we making? More specifically it asks if we are being a servant lover or a selfish lover? For many of us it is both . . . sometimes I'm a servant and sometimes I'm selfish. After reading this chapter I long for nothing more than becoming a servant lover to my husband!

The scripture for this chapter is Philippians 2: 3-4. Linda and Juli put together a paraphrase of it that I would like to share with you:

"In sexual intimacy with your husband, don't let selfishness rule. God says be humble and think of your husband as more important than yourself. Set your mind on what your husband desires and how you can please him"

One of the hard things to wrap our minds around is the fact that God created sex for unity between a husband and wife. So why does it cause such conflict between us? That's because God purposefully created us different to enhance the other one. Below is a picture of a graphic in the workbook that delineates the basic sexual differences of men and women.

"Remember that even before sin entered the garden of Eden, Adam and Eve had primary sexual differences in the way God created them, God declared His creation of man and woman "very good" and this very good included your sexual differences. It is hard to fathom but the differences between you and your husband are what can create the very deepest yada intimacy."

When we think of our differences this way it makes sense. To go deeper in our relationships we must be willing to give up some of our selfishness. The world around us encourages us to think of only what makes me feel good, but by now we have all probably experiences how satisfying it feels to meet the needs of others. Can't you just picture how beautiful our marriages would be if we as couples focused on pleasing the other? I certainly know that when my husband is pleasing me it in turn makes me want to please him all the more.

Let me leave you with a quote from the video that is from Gary Thomas. My prayer is that you will consider it and then apply it.

Chapter 4: Making Truth Stick ~ Passion Pursuit: What Kind Of Love Are You Making?

Pursuing Passion: What Kind of Love Are You Making?

Linda Dillow & Dr. Juli Slattery

10 Week Bible Study w/ DVD & Workbook

Chapter 4: Making Truth Stick

Theme: Your sexuality involves a spiritual battle between truths and lies.

Women can know God’s truth from Scripture but it can be “head truth” if it is not lived out by embracing God’s design in their bedroom. Satan burns his lies into us with the intent to destroy and confuse God’s beautiful truth. We look specifically at five common lies:

It’s wrong to enjoy sex too much
I’m not worthy of passion
God doesn’t care about my pain
I’m too wounded for passion
I can heal myself

We are at war! In order to engage in an effective battle we must always remember who our true enemy is. It is the father of lies, Satan himself. He is continually roaming around seeking out what he can devour. His highest goal is to separate us from God. Let me give you a little clip from the workbook to set the stage for this week's study:

As you learned last week, sexual intimacy between a husband and wife is a holy picture of Christ and His church. God Almighty created the act of sex as a representation of the longing, the unity, the intimacy of Jesus Christ and His people. Satan's attack on sexuality and marriage is about more than you and your husband. He aims to destroy, pollute, and disgustify (yes, we made that up) the precious and holy picture of oneness.

Because your marriage, your bedroom, your mind is a combat zone, your enemy works overtime to keep you from the truth.

This week's study exposes five common lies that often keep women from embracing the truth of what God says about sex.

I'm not loved if I'm not desired.
I don't deserve a great sex life.
God doesn't care about my pain.
I'm too wounded to be healed.
I can fix problems with sexuality on my own.

Each lie is refuted with the truth and it is up to us to claim that truth by putting on the whole armor of God before we head into the battlefield. When we are bombarded by each of these lies we need to remember what is true.

God is eternal love. (Jeremiah 31:3)
There is nothing God can't redeem. (Romans 8:1)
God always sees our pain. (Genesis 16)
God came to bind up the wounded. (Isaiah 61:1)
Only God heals! (John 14:6)

Chapter 3: God's Got an Opinion! ~ Passion Pursuit: What Kind Of Love Are You Making?

Pursuing Passion: What Kind of Love Are You Making?

Linda Dillow & Dr. Juli Slattery

10 Week Bible Study w/ DVD & Workbook

Chapter 3: God's Got an Opinion!

Theme: God's opinion is that sex is holy, a gift given by Him to enable a married couple to enjoy oneness and pleasure in marriage.

Everyone has an opinion about sex. Most Christians never consider that God, the Creator, has an opinion too! Women will be amazed to discover three gifts of sexual intimacy hidden in the pages of scripture: the gifts of intimate knowing, holy intimacy, and exquisite pleasure. Understanding God’s opinion will encourage each wife as she pursues passion.

In this chapter Linda and Juli discuss the three intimacy gifts that God has given us. Those three gifts are:

The Gift of Intimate Knowing
The Gift of Holy Intimacy
The Gift of Exquisite Pleasure

Of those three the gift of intimate knowing is the one that stood out to me. Linda is a fabulous Bible teacher and in this segment of the study she discusses the term yada. Let me give you a little quote from the workbook to clarify the meaning.

The Hebrew word used in the Old Testament for "to know deeply" is yada. It is an active form of knowing, pursuing, and experiencing. Yada is used to indicate a knowing of facts, the learning of skill, and even of the deep knowing in sexual intercourse. In Genesis 4:1 we read, "And Adam knew (yada) Eve as his wife, and she became pregnant and bore Cain" (AMP).

When you and your husband are together sexually, it's about more than biology, more than exchanging body fluids and releasing chemicals in the brain. God desires you to deeply know each other physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Anything less is a compromise, and inadequate expression of what God designed. Through God's gift of Intimate Knowing a husband and wife receive a deep knowledge of each other that they have with no one else. This knowing brings a depth to their relationship. Who could have imagined all of that could be accomplished by sex? As we said in week 1, sex is very, very powerful.

The beautiful mystery is that God also uses the term yada when He describes the relationship He wants with us. He desires that we know, pursue and experience Him in a relationship that is like none other. Look at what He says in Jeremiah 16:21 "Therefore behold, I am going to make them know (yada)--This time I will make them know (yada) My power and My might; and they shall know (yada) that My name is the Lord" (NASB).

Another portion of scripture that stands out to me is Psalm 139. I urge you to read it for yourself and in each portion when it refers to knowing or being known substitute yada. How marvelous that God Himself desires to have such a deep and intimate relationship with us. It is such a humbling thought that as deeply as I know my husband, My God knows me deeper. Blessed be the Name of the Lord!

Chapter 2: Me, Pursue Passion? ~ Passion Pursuit: What Kind of Love Are You Making?

Pursuing Passion: What Kind of Love Are You Making?

Linda Dillow & Dr. Juli Slattery

10 Week Bible Study w/ DVD & Workbook

Chapter 2 ~ Me, Pursue Passion?

Theme ~ God wants you to pursue passion in your marriage!

In Scripture, God gave us a living example of a woman who knew how to use her power: the Bride in Song of Solomon. We call her the Smokin’ Hot Mama. We share what we have learned from her about God’s desire for a wife to pursue passion and why intimacy requires pursuit.

Let me set the stage for this chapter with a direct quote from Dr. Juli Slattery. It is from page thirty-one of the workbook.

Every Mother's Day in recent memory, it seems that I have been confronted with the "wonder woman" of the Bible, the Proverbs 31 woman, who exemplifies a virtuous mother, wife, and community leader. I've practically memorized this section of Scripture--not because I've tried to commit it to memory but because I've read and heard the passage preached so many times.

Recently I met a new heroine in the Bible in an unlikely place. Actually, she is found in a book that for many years I just didn't understand--Song of Solomon. Like the Proverbs 31 woman, her name is not given, so I'll call her the "Smokin' Hot Mama" (SHM for short). I think SHM is even more inspiring and more convicting than Mrs. Proverbs 31! Yet, strangely, I can find no Bible studies extolling her virtues or exalting her as an example. As a young wife, no one ever pulled me aside and said, "Be like her!" Yet my guess is that most husbands, if forced to choose, would rather have an SHM than a Proverbs 31 wife.

Perhaps churches don't put a lot of emphasis on SHM, but God's Word seems to. Look at it this way . . . the P31 woman gets half a chapter with 21 verses while SHM gets eight chapters with 117 verses. I think it's worth discovering why.

Now that's some food for thought! After reading that I began thinking about the first time I stumbled upon Song of Solomon. The memory of it can make me laugh right out loud. I was probably about nine or ten and by that time I was a voracious reader. Earlier my pastor's daughter, who was a few years older than me, had clued me in on the scandalous happenings contained in that book. Well of course I had to investigate for myself!

I shut my bedroom door and curled up with my Children's Living Bible . . . you remember the one . . . it had Jesus and all the children on the front cover. I had one of those mommas that could sniff out trouble a mile away and my closed bedroom door was clue number one. When she entered my room I was pretty deep into the story . . . and oh my what a story! I quickly shut the book and unsuccessfully tried to look not guilty. Unfortunately I didn't have the foresight to remove my finger as a place holder. When she saw what I had been reading she got all red in the face and proceeded to lecture me about not reading things like that.

Of course at that time I didn't have the theology to defend myself. I didn't know to argue the fact that it is a book that is God inspired and breathed. As I said it makes me laugh now but for years I think I thought of the marriage union as something to be ashamed of.

In our society we seem to want to separate things into God things and secular thing. Sex would definitely fall into the secular things category. Much of what we learn about sex is shrouded in shame. How sad is that? Even in our Christian circles we major on the don'ts. Don't do this, and definitely don't do that. If you're thinking about that it is wrong, wrong, wrong!

The funny thing is, God's Word tells us in Phillipians 4:8 "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." He goes on to tell us in Hebrews that the marriage bed is holy and undefiled.

So friends, I say let's latch onto that! As Juli and Linda put it, God has given us a permission slip in our marriage to not only think about enjoying each other but to actually do it. I say God's edict trumps my momma's every. single. time!

If this is a topic that interests you and you'd like to read our other articles check out Pursuing Passion: What Kind of Love Are You Making and Chapter 1: I've Got Power and Chapter 3: God's Got An Opinion! and Chapter 4: Making Truth Stick

Chapter 1: I've Got Power ~ Passion Pursuit: What Kind Of Love Are You Making?

Passion Pursuit: What Kind of Love Are You Making?

Linda Dillow & Dr. Juli Slattery

10 Week Bible Study w/ DVD and Workbook

Chapter 1 ~ I've Got Power

Theme: You have power, the power to build a house of intimacy by God's design.

Do you realize that you have power as a wife? It's true! And it's not the "I am woman, hear me roar!" kind of power. It's subtle, God-given, and very effective when it comes to your husband. But are you using your power correctly?

In the video portion of the weekly study Juli tells a funny story about her family visiting DisneyWorld and meeting Cinderella and Prince Charming. The two characters were celebrating 50 years of wedded bliss. Juli asked them how they had remained so much in love. Cinderella's response was, "We never left DisneyWorld."

Hmmm . . . maybe that's the problem for most of us. DisneyWorld is long gone! Do you remember when you left DisneyWorld? I know I sure do. It happened on the day after the wedding. I had taken a nasty fall at my reception while doing the Flying Dutchman. My new husband was passing me off to my father and I missed the link up. I went flying all right. My big ole hoop skirt came up over my head and everyone got a peak at my pretty new wedding night panties. Lord. Have. Mercy!

The next day I couldn't walk. We started out on our honeymoon trip but the pain became unbearable so we turned around and went back to my momma's house to seek the advice of my momma and my grand mommas. They sent us to the emergency room. Long story short, I was admitted. They thought I had developed blood clots in both of my legs so I was confined to a bed. Do you know how embarrassing it is to use a bedpan on your HONEYMOON?!! Now that I think of it, I'm not sure we ever made it to DisneyWorld.

Well enough of that . . . let's get on with the study! Here's a short video clip of week one's lesson:

Did you catch what Juli said? "Power always comes from what someone else needs." You have needs that only your husband can meet and that gives him power. The reverse is also true. Your husband has needs that only you can meet and that gives you power.

Juli goes on to talk about three needs of men which are three areas of power for women. Those areas are respect, companionship and sex. Do you realize that our natural reaction is to withhold power? Do you also realize how devastating that can be to our marriages?

We have power in our marriages. Let's learn to use it wisely to benefit our husbands and ourselves. For heaven's sake don't unwittingly hand that power over to something or SOMEONE else. I guarantee there's someone out there just waiting to meet the needs of YOUR man. Don't let it happen!

Sweet friends . . . if you are marriage minded, married for four years or married for forty years you need this study. I wish that I had it 30+ years ago. I think it would have made a big difference, especially in those early years, if I had understood my power and used it wisely.

If this is a topic that interests you and you'd like to read our other articles check out Pursuing Passion: What Kind of Love Are You Making and Chapter 2: Me, Pursue Passion? and Chapter 3: God's Got An Opinion! and Chapter 4: Making Truth Stick

The delightful people over at Authentic Intimacy and Igniting Women Books have partnered with us to provide two of our readers with Leader's Kits for Passion Pursuit. Each kit contains a DVD and workbook so you can choose to lead a group or study it by yourself. Either way just complete the form below for your chance to win.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Book Review & Giveaway ~ Passion Pursuit: What Kind Of Love Are You Making?

Passion Pursuit: What kind of love are you making?

Linda Dillow & Dr. Juli Slattery

DVD Driven 10 Week Bible Study

About the study:

A Bible Study for Women about Sex?!?

Now, That's Different!

Can sex be holy and erotic? Does God have an opinion about sex? What's okay in the bedroom? This audaciously bold ten-week study will answer these and many other questions that women have but haven't had a trusted source for honest, biblical answers. Now they do

Reclaiming God's Design for Sex

Eye-popping pleasure and soul-to-soul intimacy--that's what God intended for a husband and wife to experience. But because of issues in our past, damaging information from the world, or incomplete teaching from the church, many of us don't enjoy these holy gifts.

Through the use of Scripture, especially from the Song of Solomon, Passion Pursuit not only urges women to pursue passion but also details how God has given them permission to do so. It reveals the power a woman has to build up or to tear down her marriage and how she can deal with her husband's and her own temptations with empathy and holiness.

Make Your Marriage Come Alive!

Passion Pursuit offers a valuable and sacred journey to joy and freedom. Pursuing passion takes time, intentionality, and creativity. What husband wouldn't want to be married to the Smokin' Hot Mama like the wife in the Song of Solomon?

This daring ten-week study combines the psychological expertise of Dr. Juli Slattery, formerly of Focus on the Family, along with bestselling author and beloved Bible teacher Linda Dillow. They are from different generations but share a passion to bring God's truth and healing to women for their marriages and their lives.

How About A Few Clips To Whet Your Appetite For This Study?

My Thoughts:

Every once in a while something comes along that you want to give to all of your friends because you find it to be of such great importance. For me, Passion Pursuit is one of those products.

We live in an age of enormous attacks on our marriages. From billboards to books and movies to music we are led to believe that a passionate love affair involves someone other than our spouse. This isn't true! The grass isn't greener at the neighbor's house . . . perhaps what is lacking is a little fertilizer on our own lawns.

This study is described as "boldly audacious" and I would have to agree. You can find other studies on intimacy in marriage but rarely are they so forthcoming on responses to our most asked questions. In this study you will find answers to the most intimate of questions and resources for you to turn to for more in depth answers.

Sex in marriage can be passionate,erotic, stimulating . . . and holy! One of the most thought provoking statements from the book said that many times we get fixated on becoming the Proverbs 31 woman. Do you realize that her story is limited to one single chapter in the Bible. On the other hand the 'Smokin Hot Mama' from the Song of Solomon gets a whole book. Maybe we've got our priorities a little sideways?!!

Connect with the authors:

www.AuthenticIntimacy.com

Facebook

Twitter ~ @AuthenticIntmcy

YouTube

If this is a topic that interests you and you'd like to read our other articles check out Chapter 1: I've Got Power! and Chapter 2: Me, Pursue Passion? and Chapter 3: God's Got An Opinion! and Chapter 4: Making Truth Stick

The delightful people over at Authentic Intimacy and Igniting Women Books have partnered with us to provide two of our readers with Leader's Kits for Passion Pursuit. Each kit contains a DVD and workbook so you can choose to lead a group or study it by yourself. Either way just complete the form below for your chance to win.

a Rafflecopter giveaway